We are Boy, We are Girl,
We like Twix, we like Twirl,
We have needs, you and I,
Like the seeds in the sky.
We study poetry, we write pose,
With idolatry, I suppose,
We, poor students actuate
Hopefully we'll graduate.
We are me, we are you,
We shall be, we can't undo
We are we, we are us,
We always did, we never fuss.
We don't care about the hair,
Although prob'ly should if they stare,
Shut your face, leave this town,
Increase the pace, and never frown.
Chunder from the brain of me ;)
Sunday, 11 December 2011
Monday, 5 December 2011
I am not a girl.
I hang around with girls; quite a lot.
I talk to girls; quite a lot,
I have a lot in common with most girls,
But I am not a girl.
Uni for me, was and is escape; from everything that wasn't working at home; Ipswich is awful, I got stuck in a rut there. I've now escaped ;)
From the age of like 14, all my friends have been girls, mostly because, 14 year old boys are cruel, and they don't understand what it is to be gay, they think it's a choice, and that it's something to be bullied out of you, I was never bullied in the conventional sense, coz i just didn't care about the shit they'd say, I mean, mostly some of it went in, as it would after like 2 years of being told you aren't right and that you are wrong and disgusting, etc etc.
So naturally I started distancing myself from the people who were saying it; straight males. and so, during the last 6 years, I've mostly kept away from them, just out of habit, I felt apprehensive talking to them, because deep down I know they don't and won't understand.
Uni was different though, and I wanted to make friends with straight men, because they are fun, and they do mostly all have a lot of plus points, I mean, okay, they are simple minded and very vagina orientated, but there's also a lot more; they're funny, you can be coarser with straight men then women usually, and normally, you can give them all the advice about girls that they'd like to know.
This for the last 3 or so months is how I've been acting with the straight guys I live with, trying to push down the feelings of apprehension that they're about to hit me, sitting through endless conversations about "pussies" trying not to visibly gag, whereas if they said anything about homosexual lifestyles, they'd all gag, make a laugh, and I'd keep my mouth shut, even though it of course hurt, coz it always will.
There's a lot of playful homophobic banter going on too, which you'd think, they'd try not to do when I'm around, but no, they go full on about it, and look at me like I'm mental when I look slightly uncomfortable, or, dare I, complain slightly.
I sit through television programmes daily that are full of man-woman love, and I deal with it, even though I don't understand the desire for that, but I watch, uncomplainingly, and just accept it, because there's more straight people. If there is one moment in a month of anything "gay" happening, and you are with straight people, they wince, and complain that tv's got gay, which is bollocks, such bollocks.
Never at Uni so far, have I felt too excluded though. there's some things that don't interest me; such as Skyrim; Football, and other stereotypically straight ventures. I cut myself out of that, and the people who don't seem to enjoy it, are naturally the girls. So I spend a lot of time with them.
This was until last night. I learned that in this very straight male house I live in, there's two categories of people; boys and girls. Where am I would you think?
Considering I am 6 foot 2, have been shaving since I was 13, and quite broad, hairy and largely quite masculine looking; if not always acting, and oh yes, I have male genitalia!
according to the straight boys, in this house, I count as a girl.
....
....
Really..?
Just because the entire society of straight males is about "pussy"; getting laid; talking about sex; being jokingly misogynistic; and watching football; a game largely to do with straight men getting out there sexual tension with each other in a safe public place, where they can all safely "climax" when a goal has been scored, and all relent together when a goal is missed; apparently because I do not like vagina's, in any way, I am not male. Male = Vagina's..? I always thoughts Female = Vaginas and Male = Penis', surely thats right? maybe not. I don't know. At all.
But to be excluded by an entire group of "boys" and basically being told I am a girl, just because I can't involve myself in the same ways they can; lad culture; testicle grabbing etc, really isn't a very nice feeling.
It makes me feel like I'm 14 and in the changing rooms of PE again, everyone trying to show how masculine they are, all the time acting like complete twats, and having no real respect for each other; getting the fat people to jump up and down and squeezing their manboobs; hmm, what else happened in those changing rooms.. Oh, the obligatory punching each other in the bollocks.. and talking a lot about vaginas, and then they would remember I was there, get all in my face whilst asking if I was gay 20 times a minute, thinking it might offend me, when all I was thinking was "Fuck off, Just because you are too immature to understand the concept of not liking a vagina, doesn't mean I'm an incorrect person, and no amount of telling me that is going to change it."
Most times I'd say something, just coz I have a hell of a shout on me, and I'm very quick witted, I'd knock them all down a peg or 40, then having to walk out of the changing room first, trying not to get punched in the face, it makes you grow up in a very quick, strange way.
I thought by the age of 20, they would grow out of it..
But then I remember, a lot of these guys have only just left the school environment, they've not realised yet, that all the social shit in school has no place at university. Bullying in the conventional sense, doesn't hold sway here. That, largely, it's time to grow up.
This all came about when talking about housing for next year.
They assume I want to live with just the girls.
I don't. I love the girls, but I want to live with some boys too, because otherwise, what was the point of coming to Uni? just to continue my cutting myself off from men.. It doesn't work, but they don't understand it.
And I can just tell in the back of some of their minds, they're worried that I find them attractive. I don't. I can safely say, I have no sexual feelings for anyone in this house, or anyone I've met whilst at uni. Just because when they get drunk they want to get laid, they assume I do too, with them. I don't. I don't want drunk sex, it sounds messy and degrading, and it is never ever on my mind, maybe I'm just not as highly sexed as some people? I don't know. But I'd rather do the conventional, getting to know people thing before all that happens. Its a very strange world when you get to know people after you sleep with them...
But that's the world we live in now.
I just want to know when boys grow up and turn into men properly.
They say men are 2 years behind girls in maturity, and it's true, but by now? It's more like girls are 4 years ahead?! I don't understand.
I've been waiting for boys to turn into men for ages. I just want some male friends, that don't treat me differently just because vaginas make me want to vomit.
And please, actually think, because rushing into decisions because your scared that you'll have no where to live next year, is stupid, and pointless, and I count some of the boys I live with as friends, like properly, and a friend to me, is someone I miss when they aren't there. And If they aren't living with me, I'll miss them all the time, because we'll never see each other. and all this character building work I've been trying this year is going to fail.
I blame lad culture. You don't actually have to be bigoted to be cool, because it isn't.
I am not a girl. I am a man, a 20 year old man. So treat me like it. and stop treating the girls like 2nd class citizens. It's wrong. Just because the majority of occupants are male, doesn't mean they have more overall say. Man up. Women are wonderful, and Men are cool, so please just sort your lives out. Stop oversimplifying things.
And please, realise I am a man.
I talk to girls; quite a lot,
I have a lot in common with most girls,
But I am not a girl.
Uni for me, was and is escape; from everything that wasn't working at home; Ipswich is awful, I got stuck in a rut there. I've now escaped ;)
From the age of like 14, all my friends have been girls, mostly because, 14 year old boys are cruel, and they don't understand what it is to be gay, they think it's a choice, and that it's something to be bullied out of you, I was never bullied in the conventional sense, coz i just didn't care about the shit they'd say, I mean, mostly some of it went in, as it would after like 2 years of being told you aren't right and that you are wrong and disgusting, etc etc.
So naturally I started distancing myself from the people who were saying it; straight males. and so, during the last 6 years, I've mostly kept away from them, just out of habit, I felt apprehensive talking to them, because deep down I know they don't and won't understand.
Uni was different though, and I wanted to make friends with straight men, because they are fun, and they do mostly all have a lot of plus points, I mean, okay, they are simple minded and very vagina orientated, but there's also a lot more; they're funny, you can be coarser with straight men then women usually, and normally, you can give them all the advice about girls that they'd like to know.
This for the last 3 or so months is how I've been acting with the straight guys I live with, trying to push down the feelings of apprehension that they're about to hit me, sitting through endless conversations about "pussies" trying not to visibly gag, whereas if they said anything about homosexual lifestyles, they'd all gag, make a laugh, and I'd keep my mouth shut, even though it of course hurt, coz it always will.
There's a lot of playful homophobic banter going on too, which you'd think, they'd try not to do when I'm around, but no, they go full on about it, and look at me like I'm mental when I look slightly uncomfortable, or, dare I, complain slightly.
I sit through television programmes daily that are full of man-woman love, and I deal with it, even though I don't understand the desire for that, but I watch, uncomplainingly, and just accept it, because there's more straight people. If there is one moment in a month of anything "gay" happening, and you are with straight people, they wince, and complain that tv's got gay, which is bollocks, such bollocks.
Never at Uni so far, have I felt too excluded though. there's some things that don't interest me; such as Skyrim; Football, and other stereotypically straight ventures. I cut myself out of that, and the people who don't seem to enjoy it, are naturally the girls. So I spend a lot of time with them.
This was until last night. I learned that in this very straight male house I live in, there's two categories of people; boys and girls. Where am I would you think?
Considering I am 6 foot 2, have been shaving since I was 13, and quite broad, hairy and largely quite masculine looking; if not always acting, and oh yes, I have male genitalia!
according to the straight boys, in this house, I count as a girl.
....
....
Really..?
Just because the entire society of straight males is about "pussy"; getting laid; talking about sex; being jokingly misogynistic; and watching football; a game largely to do with straight men getting out there sexual tension with each other in a safe public place, where they can all safely "climax" when a goal has been scored, and all relent together when a goal is missed; apparently because I do not like vagina's, in any way, I am not male. Male = Vagina's..? I always thoughts Female = Vaginas and Male = Penis', surely thats right? maybe not. I don't know. At all.
But to be excluded by an entire group of "boys" and basically being told I am a girl, just because I can't involve myself in the same ways they can; lad culture; testicle grabbing etc, really isn't a very nice feeling.
It makes me feel like I'm 14 and in the changing rooms of PE again, everyone trying to show how masculine they are, all the time acting like complete twats, and having no real respect for each other; getting the fat people to jump up and down and squeezing their manboobs; hmm, what else happened in those changing rooms.. Oh, the obligatory punching each other in the bollocks.. and talking a lot about vaginas, and then they would remember I was there, get all in my face whilst asking if I was gay 20 times a minute, thinking it might offend me, when all I was thinking was "Fuck off, Just because you are too immature to understand the concept of not liking a vagina, doesn't mean I'm an incorrect person, and no amount of telling me that is going to change it."
Most times I'd say something, just coz I have a hell of a shout on me, and I'm very quick witted, I'd knock them all down a peg or 40, then having to walk out of the changing room first, trying not to get punched in the face, it makes you grow up in a very quick, strange way.
I thought by the age of 20, they would grow out of it..
But then I remember, a lot of these guys have only just left the school environment, they've not realised yet, that all the social shit in school has no place at university. Bullying in the conventional sense, doesn't hold sway here. That, largely, it's time to grow up.
This all came about when talking about housing for next year.
They assume I want to live with just the girls.
I don't. I love the girls, but I want to live with some boys too, because otherwise, what was the point of coming to Uni? just to continue my cutting myself off from men.. It doesn't work, but they don't understand it.
And I can just tell in the back of some of their minds, they're worried that I find them attractive. I don't. I can safely say, I have no sexual feelings for anyone in this house, or anyone I've met whilst at uni. Just because when they get drunk they want to get laid, they assume I do too, with them. I don't. I don't want drunk sex, it sounds messy and degrading, and it is never ever on my mind, maybe I'm just not as highly sexed as some people? I don't know. But I'd rather do the conventional, getting to know people thing before all that happens. Its a very strange world when you get to know people after you sleep with them...
But that's the world we live in now.
I just want to know when boys grow up and turn into men properly.
They say men are 2 years behind girls in maturity, and it's true, but by now? It's more like girls are 4 years ahead?! I don't understand.
I've been waiting for boys to turn into men for ages. I just want some male friends, that don't treat me differently just because vaginas make me want to vomit.
And please, actually think, because rushing into decisions because your scared that you'll have no where to live next year, is stupid, and pointless, and I count some of the boys I live with as friends, like properly, and a friend to me, is someone I miss when they aren't there. And If they aren't living with me, I'll miss them all the time, because we'll never see each other. and all this character building work I've been trying this year is going to fail.
I blame lad culture. You don't actually have to be bigoted to be cool, because it isn't.
I am not a girl. I am a man, a 20 year old man. So treat me like it. and stop treating the girls like 2nd class citizens. It's wrong. Just because the majority of occupants are male, doesn't mean they have more overall say. Man up. Women are wonderful, and Men are cool, so please just sort your lives out. Stop oversimplifying things.
And please, realise I am a man.
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